20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand
A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.
Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!
At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this
Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!
Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.
BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!
Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!
Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.
Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket No O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .
Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .
Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !
E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.
Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.
For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here "
God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!
God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!
HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!
Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.
Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..
How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated
I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing!
I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T
I am not your type ... I am not inflatable.
I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...
I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!
I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils...
If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.
If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.
If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.
Ik would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is working!
In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!
It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!!
Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going
Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number!
My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic  " "No, they make me sick."
My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment...
Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it
One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.
Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.
Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed
roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you
roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't...
Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ..................
Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!
The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning
The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !
They dropped your name, can you pick it up
This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!
This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.
This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."
This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!
Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are
We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die."
We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!
What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed!
When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance.
You are never too blond to learn !!!
You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number
You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.
You should know what it takes to look this cheap!
You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you
You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it
You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number
You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.
Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!
It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!
A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass!
i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg!
Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!
Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all!
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you
i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
When the apple is green and ready to pluck. When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!
The 3 wonders of a woman 1*give milk without eating grass 2*get wet without water 3*bleed for a week without going 2 die
No Boys! No Boys, no Sex. No Sex, no Kids. No Kids, no School. No School, no problems! Why Boys
After the party - mum, I am not drunk, I can lay on the flour without holding on
A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there is nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
I love you in the mornig, I love you in the evening, but most of all, I love you when you are leaving
No men, no love, No love, no sex, No sex, no childeren, No childeren, no school, No school, no homework, No homework, no problems!
NEWS FLASH snow white has been thrown out disneyland. she pulled up her skirt, sat on pinnochios face & shouted lie u bastard, lie, lie!
What's the difference between your job and your wife Your job still sucks after five years!
If you want SEX take a boy and RELAX but don't forget DUREX!!!
If you think fuck is funny fuck yourself and save the money
When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!
Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
If you have no voice: SCREAM...... If you have no legs: RUN......... If you have no hope: INVENT…
When I was a baby, I played with toys. Now I'm a lady and I play with boys!!
Man: I would really like to get into your pants. Woman: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.
A man was dying of cancer. His son asked him:dad why do you keepon telling everyone that your dying of AIDS.He replied"So that when i die no 1 will fuck ur mom
Kill one you're a murderer, kill 10 you're a serial murderer, kill them all, you're GOD.
The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed. Today I know better, so I will write it in my letter. In my bed I've seen so many faces, so I'll fuck you at different places.
Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!!
Love your neighbour, but don't get caught.
To wake up in the morning and always see the sun no matter the weather, I'm glad the day has begun.
I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting  .... When she starts with "My husband said..."
One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me
Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.
A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one ...................... stupid of course, there are no others
What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs Some signs say stop.
When god created the men he was only kidding
Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!
Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN
When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.
There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops  ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!
If I'd had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents !
How to keep an idiot entertained *press down* ................... .................... How to keep an idiot entertained *press up*
Can I have your picture ......... I save natural disasters
Of course... If you want something there is always a way to get there. Unfortunately on my way there are road works.
You wanna come to my place for some pizza and sex No Why, don't you like pizza!
Why is a woman 20.000 $ worth and a man only 2$ A woman has a milk factory, a mussel farm and a sawmill; a man a sausage, 2 bitterballs and a little pot of mayonnaise
Bigamy..............What is the penalty for bigamy ............... Two mothers-in-law !
What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil ......first some screwing before use
Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.
Do you think I can live for another fourty years ... Do you drink ... No! ... Do you smoke ... No! ... Do you visit the whores ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years
Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period"
There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.
Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck  "Of course, why would Friday be an exception"
Can I go to the theatre Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."
The fact that there are 'intelligent' extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.
I said no to drugs, but they did nog listen!
10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors!
Mistakes have been made, others will be punished.
As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.
I started out with nothing... and I still have most of it!
3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day... I wonder where she'd be by now.
Like a rose withers, so is our relationship withering ...
Keep the school clean ... stay home!
Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!
We do have to go to school ... Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery .... Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have to go to school!
The word HELLO means: H=How are you E=Evrything alright L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you..SO, HELLO
No boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems
That is how a triatlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike.
The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give.
It's the soul afraid of dying ... That never learns to live
It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the change.
It's the heart afraid of Breaking ... that never learns to dance.
Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down
Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it
A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise ...
When my father broke in to my mother I had to sit there for months!
Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine !
Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.
I am in seventh heaven, the other six do not want me.
Women are like hurricanes! When they come they are wet and heavy. When they leave they take your home and your car ! !
No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think :"why would I take the risk"
I love working. I can look at it for hours.
We used to listen to the Doors, now we have Windows.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.
Life would be a lot easier if I had the source-code.
Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !
You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult
My thoughts wondering off, I am always everywhere.
I intended to become rich while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.
It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back.
Nok nok. Who's there ..... Marie ...... Marie who ...... Marie who wanna...!!
Wanna get stoned Drink wet cement!
Umm...your .... ZIP is open...
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.
How do frogs die  They Ker-mit suicide.
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.
What do I miss about my wife Her absence.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.
Linus is like a wigwam,no windows,no gates and an apache inside...
Q: Why is a racist like a drunk... A: Cos whatever they say ends in a slur.
Q: What's the difference between a racist's house and a porcupine... A: With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
Q: Why didn't the racist cross the road... A: He was afraid of the other side.
Q: How does a racist pick his nose... A: From the mail-order catalogue.
If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas!
Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next
Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part
girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!
A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart!
THE NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY INCONVINIENCE
Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!
why do i text u its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u il neva know its not my choice its my hearts.
Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where on earth is my roof
If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT
Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text
God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!